Sunday, 25 December 2011

My Secret Lover

This year has been so unexpectedly amazing. It's not all been plain sailing, home/family life has been one of the hardest yet to deal with and I'm sure it will continue with its challenges into the new year as Mums alcoholism seems to be spiralling out of control and in 4 weeks she looses Dad and her house.

That aside in April I met a man for a drink, you know him as YSL. I remember vividly the moment as he hurried towards the bar, I was sat outside, clutching my drink nervously as I called out his name. He turned and smiled, I don't think either of us have looked back since. That night as I finished my drink he asked if I wanted another, "no" was my reply, I was driving so couldn't "but I don't want the night to end". And it didn't, not till 5am when we parted after breath taking 6hours of full on passionate sex. Before I left I asked if I could see him again... 2 days later we fucked for almost 18hours.

Quickly I felt a bond develop, feeling so comfortable in his company, feeling at ease with myself and able to express my wants, emotions and of course desires, all things at home I struggle with.

I remember feeling so foolish when after about 2 months I confessed that I had fallen for him, he gave me a hug and told me I was an exciting woman... Not the response I'd thought! We had both been so sure when we met that we just wanted uncomplicated sex, without plan or intention emotions crept in but so very welcome.

Another month on and sat in a restaurant in Leeds, both a tad drunk after a lazy afternoon fucking and sipping fine wine, was the first time he sort of said it, in bloke code, he said he never thought he could love 2 women at the same time and I was proving him wrong. I remember feeling so uplifted especially after the Sunday of that weekend when we enjoyed a walk, good conversation and just being close to each other. Also that weekend we had so many 'snap' moments, ordering same food, drink, expressing same interests and points of view, it sort if took things out of the bedroom.

I had to wait till France to hear the words but for months I'd felt it. We were walking back naked along the beach, it was sunset, he took hold of me, pulled me in close and said "love you". It meant so much hearing the words, knowing how truly they were meant. They hadn't been used too early, wasted to placate me, at that very moment I was speachless, overwhelmed and feeling very very loved.

That night we had such good conversations, opening up even more, confirming our feelings, wants, desires, it solidified even more the relationship we have.

For those that don't know too many details, I'm married, have wonderful children and whilst I do not have sex nor a marital relationship as such these days with the husband, my priority remains my children and right now having 2 parents that love them dearly looking after them is right. I had parked my needs for being wanted a long time ago.

The relationship I have with YSL is more than I could ever of wished for. He knows I don't want a new life partner but equally he knows I give myself fully to him, love him entirely and ask no more of him than he can give. We aren't a passing fad to each other, I consider him significant in my life and whatever the future brings I know I have a friend for life.

I love that I don't have to hold back, that we have such clear understanding of our circumstance and wants. I love that he is my friend as much as my lover and fellow sexual adventurer. I love that I have felt in troubled times I had arms to be in, he has held me as I've cried tears of sadness and frustration, he has been there as an ear to listen, a shoulder and strong arms to hold me when I've needed no more.

Just last weekend on our trip away I broached the subject again, was I asking too much, he had joked he see's more of me than his Girlfriend. It opened up a wonderful reassuring conversation, both affirming how happy we are, how satisfying our relationship is on so many levels in our lives. Again I feel like its solidified what an amazing relationship we have.

I must confess I'm missing him like crazy already over Christmas and we aren't set to see each other until the new year but I feel so close, today my heart and mind have been full of such wonderful thoughts about him, also reflecting on our year together has filled me with so many smiles and feeling of being wanted and deeply loved.

Thank you all for reading and commenting this year on our journey we have had together but my biggest thanks is to YSL for just being him, he has been my biggest and best gift I have been given. Thank you for being there for me, for wanting and loving me and allowing me to love him without compromise, be myself entirely without concern of consequence. You are such an amazing person to know and be in the company of, I'm so pleased to be yours.

I love you x


  1. I am so happy for both of you that not only did you manage to find each other but that together you have built something truly special. I wish you both a wonderful Christmas and a New Year filled with lots more of the above!


  2. So Glad you have found one another, I have said it time and again what you both have is very special and you are meant for one another!

    Happy Christmas and have a wonderful 2012, I have a feeling with YSL in your life you will xx

  3. I loved you post because if I hadn't read 'Bolesno Grinje', I would have been misled. You are so right in all the points you raised. staggered was cruelty masqueraded as tradition.

  4. Yummy,I can almost completely relate to your feelings as I met such a man this year and haven't looked back since!
    Ever since I discovered your blog a few months ago, I was happy for you and YSL. It is very obvious from your posts just how happy he makes you and I wish you both even more happiness!
    I look forward to reading more sexual adventures in the New Year. You are one of the bloggers that inspired me to start my blog!

  5. The key is to find someone who makes you happy no matter how or where you find them. I am glad you have found happiness.

  6. I'm glad you found that little piece you were missing. And I'm glad I got to know you this year. I hope I get to meet you both in a few months!

    xx Jilly

  7. he is your release from the pressures of wife mother and daughter and envelopes you with his love x

  8. Your story is inspiring and very moving. We are glad to know the genesis of your and YSL's relationship, and to consider you our friends.

  9. Thank you Yummy for such a loving, warm, kind and reflective post.

    In return, I have loved spending the time together with you since we first met in April as you are such a funny, witty, vivacious, fun loving, intelligent and articulate lady as well as being a most generous and wonderful lover who gives so much as well as enthusiastically receiving.

    We love our time together, whether it is at YSL Towers, a hotel or a good restaurant and never tire of each other's company, but as we have said, when we share with others, it is simply to add to what we already have as opposed to relief from monotony and I am always so proud of you when we are in company and it is always you that I am so pleased to come away with.

    When we share with others, I take such delight in you taking and receiving pleasure and I feel so fortunate to have met you, as we both understand that we would like to have these experiences in life, but that in doing so, it does not indicate any less regard or feelings of love that we have for each other. It is simply an act of pleasure and eroticism that we enjoy and share together.

    We have done so much in 2011 including weekends away and our wonderful holiday and I feel so at ease with you and have tremendous confidence in you as a whole person. You have shown me so many things and opened up new areas in my life as well as the things that we have discovered together and I would like to thank you for all that you have given me so far.

    I look forward to 2012 with you and I am sure that our true friendship and love will only grow.

    YSL xxxx

  10. Yours is the most beautiful love story, full of sharing and excitement and joy. I count myself as fortunate to have had several similar loves in my life, and hope the two of you enjoy many more years of fulfillment together.

  11. Your story is the stuff about which novels are written. You've captured the imaginations of many folks out here in web land with your wonderful adventure. Thanks for sharing and good luck to you both.

  12. Yours is one of the first blogs I started reading this year. I am honored I can follow your journey. You both inspire me and give me hope that love and acceptance are out there. To just be open to the journey.

    Thank you,

    Rachel XO

  13. I'm really happy for you two, glad you found a way to be yourself and also make enough time for yourself to enjoy!

  14. Thank you, thats very interesting information. I need to share with my friends.

  15. Just now discovered this post. It is a wonderful, beautiful thing this love you share.