Tuesday, 31 January 2012

For YSL Thanks for the detailed answer, it certainly shows how much depth their is to your relationship. What I meant by different was how open minded and sexual she is or is that normal in your company?

For YSL Thanks for the detailed answer, it certainly shows how much depth their is to your relationship. What I meant by different was how open minded and sexual she is or is that normal in your company?
I'll answer your question directly first and then proceed on to my usual rambling qualifying tangents :)
How open minded is Yummy? Erm, she doesn't have a closed sign.
How sexual is she? Very! The most sexually driven person I have ever experienced.....erm.......since me.
Is that normal in your company? Depends.
Now for the rambling bit.  There is no doubt about it, Yummy is very sexually driven, in fact she has told me that she even got 'dumped' by a past lover on the grounds that she was 'too sexually demanding'.......from a husband it could be understandable, pressures at work, domestic arrangements and so on and so forth, but from a lover, where surely the arrangements are that you enjoy each other's company, have wonderful sex and carefree times, shouldn't sex play an important part? I guess that as this is a sex blog, you would expect me to say that....erm.....and as we met on a swinging site, well, do I really need to say any more?  I'm sure that lovers who meet through the local book club have a different view of what a clandestine affair is like, perhaps a mutual appreciation of James Joyce and snatched kisses are seen as naughty afternoons.
I have been a member of two swinging sites and as you would expect, the number of single males on these sites far outstrips the numbers of couples and single females. From tales that a number of ladies have told me that I met via the sites, the approach, tact and skills of single males they have met varies considerably. I have heard about a lady going 'round to a guy's house and he couldn't look her in the eye, kept a cushion clutched to him tightly and focused on watching the football on TV (she got fed up in the end, yanked his trousers down and sucked him), there are guys who don't wash, guys who send facial pictures of themselves.......from literally twenty years ago and are beyond recognition at the first (and last) meet and guys who think that boasting about their material possessions and great successes in life make them the greatest catch in the world with the underlying implication being that they are doing the lady a favour by even daining to spend time with them and show up in the first place. So, with this perspective laid out, I like to think that throughout my life, even in teenage years, you remember, when you actually had to go into bars, buy drinks and chat up women (you try to tell the kids today and they don't believe you) I have never been in those categories. I have always tried to be open, honest, relaxed and go with the flow, and I think that that is the approach that I have taken even more strongly on swinging sites as I recognise that I am one of the multitude of men on there and ladies and couples can freely take their pick.
So what does this all have to do with 'is it normal in my company'? Well, as in may initial answer, it depends. As outlined in an earlier post, I always take the best from any given situation and build on that rather than concentrating and dwelling on the negatives and combined with this, I never had a pre-determined idea of how a meet or evening is going to pan out. I should imagine if you do, you will have an awful lot of disappointing days in your life. With this attitude, I have never once had a 'bad' meet and although it sounds a little boastful, every meet I have had has ended in full sex, on meet one. Having said that, the way that we have got to full sex can be different in both length of time and approach. I have met couples directly in a hotel or their home and sex commenced within fifteen minutes and with others there has been long preludes of conversation including one night I remember where I went on a full night drinking sesson around the bars of town with them before they got around to asking me five hours in if I would like to come back their place. Equally with single females, some are more comfortable with a long conversation first and others are more direct including one who took me to the corner of a quiet bar and within ten minutes of meeting her told me how wet she was and that she wasn't wearing any knickers and then proceeded to grab hold of my wrist to push my fingers up her pussy!!!
So whether it is the direct approach or the more lengthy way, I don't have a issue with either  and I don't feel that I am going through some ritual or charade with 'I hope this ends in sex' foremost in my mind. Desperation shows, and it is very unappealing.
Now all of the above relates to people who have agreed to meet with me. Let's not forget that when I was a single male looking to meet and sending initial messages, there were a lot of messages that received no reply. Did I get upset? Of course not, even though I may have been interested or attracted to their profile, I didn't take it for granted that they would like mine. This stems from a long held belief that I have had about job interviews. You can think that you are the perfect fit for a post, you have the experience, the skills, the knowledge, you have an interview and they turn you down. Political reasons aside, perhaps they turned you down because they didn't think you were a good fit with the company or wouldn't align with the values or culture. Even if they got it wrong, they are the people who are doing the hiring and it is their decision that you have to accept, no matter if you feel that they are right or wrong. So, back to sex site no reply turndowns, apparently a lot of males start sending abusive messages if they get turned down. What's the point? Ranting and raving is hardly going to change their mind to: 'you know what, putting myself in a vulnerable position and having the most intimate interaction possible with another human sounds a great idea now that you have shown yourself to have a fragile ego with unstable emotions'.
A last point about the messages that I used to send out as a single male and the ones that Yummy and I do now to meet other couples outside of a club environment is that they are always very discriminatory, i.e. not spamming all couples or females and doing a bit of trawler fishing to see what we can snag. I would make it akin to line fishing where I and we only send messages to those who we really feel attracted to or like the look of their profile. And as things naturally filter down to those who reply and wish to meet, there is a much higher chance that you will meet with compatible people and it will be successful. What's the point of purporting to be something or someone who you are not, or contacting people who you may not or are not attracted to, just for the purposes of hopefully getting some disconnected, empty and emotionless sex?
Patience, no expectations and going with the dynamics and mood of the situation, in my opinion lead to a more contented and I would suggest a more sexually active life.
As in my last post, it isn't about the person, it is far more complex than that, it is about how you bond together (or otherwise). Yes, Yummy is highly sexually driven and we have very regular and amazing sex together. She wants me and I very much want her. But as she has written in earlier posts, she has met many men..........and very often it was only for coffee, it didn't go any further.

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