Limits and safety

Limits and safety


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Following a few email exchanges ysl had explained how he had felt conflicted when pulling my hair the other night. Considering he had never done it before he did it just how i like it, he scooped a big bunch of hair from the back of my head and took a firm even grip. It doesn't hurt, it's not meant too, but I do feel like he is so in control. He holds me firm while pounding me in doggy position, it feels so sexy and powerful.

YSL's conflict had been that he doesn't want to hurt me, though he is understanding the difference between erotic pain and hurting me. Things like when he plays with my nipples he totally takes my breath away with it.


 We've used the number scale when spanking to gauge a limit and to learn how to spank my pussy. I asked him to slap my thigh at a 3 compared to how he would spank my ass. It wasnt hard enough, i adked for a 4, perfect. Then i asked for it on my pussy.


Whilst we haven't discussed it we both have accepted the 10 is my limit 8 is about right for repeated spanking, 9 is for the odd moment to surprise me.

Because with some play I might impulsively say no but want more for example when I've just cum if forced into another orgasm I instinctively want to push him away and say no but I adore it. It's hard for him to distinguish between 'no' and 'NO' so we have decided to employ a safe word, it's best to use a word that you would never use in the bedroom to mean stop. 

Also there is sometimes a need to slow things or not advance further but by no means stop. 

From what I've read and heard from others experiences some people use traffic lights, if they say Amber; slow it down but I don't want to stop, I'm near a limit.

If they say red it's too much. Stop play immediatrly. 

I have explained to ysl that if i say red he needs to remember that it isn't because he has hurt me it's more likely that I've gone hyper sensitive like the time I was tied and he fisted my ass, i went so sensitive, I needed closeness it wasn't him doing anything wrong.

Lots on safety and bdsm at Eden Cafe