Sunday, 8 May 2011
Condoms, swinging and intimacy with my lover
Those that read me all the time will know I often have an axe to grind with people who swing that don't use condoms. In recent times I have spent the night with a friend and we never got to have sex as we had a differing opinion, he wanted to take me bareback and I wouldn't. This hasn't been a one off either, many times I've left the party/situation due to lack of condoms.
It's a rare occasion and only with a regular trusted partner have I done it. I adore being that close to a partner and for that reason I only have done it with someone I trust and feel respects me equally.
It's not that I worry about my sexual health from the sex but I get check regularly and just last week got my all clear for std's and my check for cancer (nearly 2years clear now). I think it's sensible to stay on top of these things and remain confident.
The new lover was very happy and totally and agreement with the use of condoms, in fact last week I think we went through about a dozen each session! But... In the heat of the moment, last Thursday morning, fuelled with drink and passion we had unprotected sex.
When reality hit I didn't panic, I fell into his arms for a cuddle and a conversation. We both had enjoyed it, both feeling confident in the way we feel about each other, we agreed we are both happy with the decision retrospectively. We are at the beginning of a journey together and not wishing to count my chickens too early I feel optimistic he is going to feature in my life for some time and he seems to feel the same. He made it clear he was happy to revert back to condoms now or at any time in the future, he made very clear how much he respects me.
He sent this:
Glad to hear that you haven't had any reflective regrets over our 'unsheathing'. As discused at the time (well, the next morning after 'the time'), this is only the second occasion I have done that (the first time taking several weeks of pursuasion) and I honestly thought that it was a considered act on your behalf as I simply followed your guiding hand and I was happy to do so so quickly from a feeling of confidence that built up in me about you from our many exchanges in the lead up to play date 3.
I honestly didn't realise that wine had played a part in it. If I had that realisation, I would certainly have at a minimum asked for confirmation of any decision, or more likely suggested that we review in the morning. Essentially, what I trying to convey is that over this or any other issue, I would never place demands upon you or attempt to coerce you into something that you weren't comfortable with.
Please remember that even if agreements have been made or implicit precedents set between us, we can always go back and return to any previous states without any questions or judgements.
Having said the above, I have no regrets with our step from the other evening and have great confidence in you.
As always, I feel so pleased to be able to openly express and share these thoughts with you, which stems from that confidence and trust that I have in you.
YSL xx .
Whilst no clear commitment to being 'just us two' he did say that he seeks no one else now we have met and I feel the same. I feel very satisfied physically and emotional with him. I feel I can trust him.
I was recently asked by a reader what contraception I use; the coil, I had it fitted about 3years ago as a last ditched attempt to tempt the husband to have sex with me as he was using the excuse of hating condoms. He never fucked me he just found a new excuse not to want me but it was a good decision as it's reduced my periods down to a 2 day event every 3 months, it cured my fibroids that were causing pain and bleeding during sex and it now allows myself and YSL to enjoy every pleasure together. It's hard to explain how amazing it felt when he shot his cum inside me, but the closeness it brings is a gift that I adore.
Lots more stuff on contraception and sexual health at Eden Cafe
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