The contrast in life these days on a daily basis is vast. Today highlights it.
This morning the husband presents me with a card, he looks smug so I think OMG he has really bothered. I open the card and thank him for the effort which I immediately want to retract as he gives me the chocolates I had got free at the weekend. I'm still puzzled by his smugness, thinking maybe he has something else planned, I hand over my card.
It was so hard to choose one, I'm sure there is a market for valentines that say... 'wow we made it another year' 'may this be the last' 'I'm here out of a strange sense of commitment'. I decided to choose one that said very little and had a thrifty price tag and grabbed a bottle of his favourite wine to go with it.
As he sees the card and bottle of wine the smug look goes, he was only smug because he thought I'd forgotten. It underlines the scoring system he seems to have in place, constantly trying to count points. I don’t know if he loves me, he says it but its never felt. I don’t think he fancies me, the years of no interest in me and the put downs about using sex toys can only mean this. I don’t think he respects me or my contribution to the family; the constant lists of my short comings are pointed out.
But the other end of the spectrum lies YSL.
I know Im loved so deeply by him, he doesnt need to say it but when he does it is heart felt.
I know I'm desired, I see it in his eyes and its measurable in inches, he is always so hard for me.
I know I'm wanted, not just as a lover, our relationship has grown in depth and breadth and we often support each other in other important aspects of our lives.
I know I'm respected, in all ways, including sexually and professionally.
I’ve never felt so secure and certain in my life of someone being there for me, I don’t need a special day like Valentines to say it but its as good as any other.
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