My Secret Lover

This year has been so unexpectedly amazing. It's not all been plain sailing, home/family life has been one of the hardest yet to deal with and I'm sure it will continue with its challenges into the new year as Mums alcoholism seems to be spiralling out of control and in 4 weeks she looses Dad and her house.

That aside in April I met a man for a drink, you know him as YSL. I remember vividly the moment as he hurried towards the bar, I was sat outside, clutching my drink nervously as I called out his name. He turned and smiled, I don't think either of us have looked back since. That night as I finished my drink he asked if I wanted another, "no" was my reply, I was driving so couldn't "but I don't want the night to end". And it didn't, not till 5am when we parted after breath taking 6hours of full on passionate sex. Before I left I asked if I could see him again... 2 days later we fucked for almost 18hours.

Quickly I felt a bond develop, feeling so comfortable in his company, feeling at ease with myself and able to express my wants, emotions and of course desires, all things at home I struggle with.

I remember feeling so foolish when after about 2 months I confessed that I had fallen for him, he gave me a hug and told me I was an exciting woman... Not the response I'd thought! We had both been so sure when we met that we just wanted uncomplicated sex, without plan or intention emotions crept in but so very welcome.

Another month on and sat in a restaurant in Leeds, both a tad drunk after a lazy afternoon fucking and sipping fine wine, was the first time he sort of said it, in bloke code, he said he never thought he could love 2 women at the same time and I was proving him wrong. I remember feeling so uplifted especially after the Sunday of that weekend when we enjoyed a walk, good conversation and just being close to each other. Also that weekend we had so many 'snap' moments, ordering same food, drink, expressing same interests and points of view, it sort if took things out of the bedroom.

I had to wait till France to hear the words but for months I'd felt it. We were walking back naked along the beach, it was sunset, he took hold of me, pulled me in close and said "love you". It meant so much hearing the words, knowing how truly they were meant. They hadn't been used too early, wasted to placate me, at that very moment I was speachless, overwhelmed and feeling very very loved.

That night we had such good conversations, opening up even more, confirming our feelings, wants, desires, it solidified even more the relationship we have.

For those that don't know too many details, I'm married, have wonderful children and whilst I do not have sex nor a marital relationship as such these days with the husband, my priority remains my children and right now having 2 parents that love them dearly looking after them is right. I had parked my needs for being wanted a long time ago.

The relationship I have with YSL is more than I could ever of wished for. He knows I don't want a new life partner but equally he knows I give myself fully to him, love him entirely and ask no more of him than he can give. We aren't a passing fad to each other, I consider him significant in my life and whatever the future brings I know I have a friend for life.

I love that I don't have to hold back, that we have such clear understanding of our circumstance and wants. I love that he is my friend as much as my lover and fellow sexual adventurer. I love that I have felt in troubled times I had arms to be in, he has held me as I've cried tears of sadness and frustration, he has been there as an ear to listen, a shoulder and strong arms to hold me when I've needed no more.

Just last weekend on our trip away I broached the subject again, was I asking too much, he had joked he see's more of me than his Girlfriend. It opened up a wonderful reassuring conversation, both affirming how happy we are, how satisfying our relationship is on so many levels in our lives. Again I feel like its solidified what an amazing relationship we have.

I must confess I'm missing him like crazy already over Christmas and we aren't set to see each other until the new year but I feel so close, today my heart and mind have been full of such wonderful thoughts about him, also reflecting on our year together has filled me with so many smiles and feeling of being wanted and deeply loved.

Thank you all for reading and commenting this year on our journey we have had together but my biggest thanks is to YSL for just being him, he has been my biggest and best gift I have been given. Thank you for being there for me, for wanting and loving me and allowing me to love him without compromise, be myself entirely without concern of consequence. You are such an amazing person to know and be in the company of, I'm so pleased to be yours.

I love you x