TMI Tuesday - Bad Times

Bad Times

1. Have you ever had bad sex? Why do you think it was bad?

Without a doubt!! It’s amazing how inventive people can be when it comes to delivering bad sex.

Some top of the list (in no particular order) experiences are:

1.      Guys who think it’s fine to not wash and absolutely honk!!! Obviously any advances stop at a very earlier stage in these instances

2.      The guy who I met who I made mention to that I was partial to BDSM then as soon as we entered the hotel room thought it was a good idea to immediately grab my neck in an aggressive manner. This was met with a ‘Tyson in his prime’ swing from me and the meet abruptly ended.

3.      When I was in a club with YSL and this clown keep yapping on about my ‘naughty knickers’ and how they should come off. He moved from base to base in a most unsophisticated way spending literally 5 seconds on each section, which, yes, included a 5 second lick of oral on me. It was all to get to penetration as quickly as possible, whilst miserably masquerading as being ‘a gent’. He later followed us to another room as seemed to be under the impression that he knew me and my sexual preferences very well as he was saying to other guys ‘no, she doesn’t like that’, etc. All of the time he was rubbing my back to ‘keep himself in play’ whilst constantly scanning the room to see if there were other/better opportunities around. An absolute delight….as you can imagine.

4.      This one….as YSL said in the car on the way home “I always thought that I would always be grateful just for the opportunity of being involved in group sex, I never dreamed that I would come away angry from a group sex experience”. So the short version is, we met a couple, had a social, they seemed alright so we went back to their place. As soon as we got in the house he turned into this complete male arsehole with no thought or manners to others. We continue on, all naked in the bedroom and this twat just couldn’t shut up. “Do you like that love?”, “ooh, is he hard in you love?”, “ooh, are you wet love?”……fucking constantly. All three of us started off politely requesting that he concentrates on the job in hand and within ten minutes had to bluntly say “just shut the fuck up will you!!”. Amazingly, this tosser was completely impervious to anything that was said to him and carried on yapping away like everything was fine. It most certainly wasn’t.

5.      In a sex club, we meet a couple who appear to be interesting in the bar area….until she says, is it OK if I take these heels off? We say yes, she promptly reshoes herself with some awful carpet slippers. It was our more naïve days, so we let it slide and lock ourselves in a private room with them. She decides it a great idea to literally bite YSLs cock, we tell her that this activity isn’t particularly welcomed, to which she smiles and proceeds to carry on biting…..like YSL will likely change his mind and think that it is a fantastic idea. It just spiralled downhill as the husband regressed to the state and mentality of a toddler, literally running in and out of the room in a state of excitement, jumping up and down, rubbing his head and so forth. The amusing bit was when he suddenly decided that he had a boot fetish and rubbed his face up and down my brand new boots, and in the process he was transferring the black boot polish all over his face.

6.      Completely the doing of YSL this one. We met with a single female who refused to send us a face pic in advance and wouldn’t agree to a social meet prior to sex. He brought her back to the hotel, she hadn’t made any effort to dress up in any way whatsoever, she was an idiot, so my solution to this scenario was to get blind drunk. YSL progressed to the bedroom with her whilst I was pre-occupied with the results of my heavy drinking in the bathroom and let’s just say that this woman claimed to be a heavy squirter, but clearly wasn’t enlightened to differences between female ejaculate and urine. Delightful!!

7.      We got invited to a hotel to join a group of about ten for what was supposed to be a birthday fantasy come true for the husband of a couple. He wanted to be the centre of a bukkake session with multiple guys cumming over him. So anyways, we make our way to this fucked up hotel, don’t feel good about having parked the car in this area, get the shakey small lift up to the tenth floor, get greeted at the door and enter this horrible room that is furnished with chipped, damaged and old chairs, cabinets etc that look freshly delivered from the junk shop. The wife is delighted with this room and proceeds to tell us how great it is “….and it even has a lounge”, erm, otherwise known as a tiny little space that two chairs just fit in to. We admire the view from the window, which is of dozens of clothes irons that have been chucked out of the hotel windows on to the flat roof a few floors below. The evening wears on and finally the husband lies face up in the middle of the bed ready to receive his ‘shower’ and after a short amount of time, the wife starts loudly kicking off that she is being ignored. This is all somewhat bewildering given the point of why we were all gathered together. My solution to this situation? Let’s start drinking in an accelerated manner.

8.      There are many more such as the post op transgender woman sitting on my face, who didn’t think that I would need to be informed of her history, you know, regular stuff like that.

2. Have you ever given bad sex? Why did that happen?

I don’t know, it’s for others to judge. I haven’t deliberately done so.

3. What instantly puts you in a bad mood?

Fucking talking rubbish during sex. See point 4 from the first question as an exemplar of this. Active participants talking about non sexual things or just ramblings from a thick, empty headed twat aren’t welcome and people either in a room or just outside by an open door who are holding general chat really don’t enhance the atmosphere when attempting to engage in sex.

4. Have you been hurt during a sexual activity? What was the activity? How were you hurt or injured?

I’ve got a pretty high pain threshold

5. During sex, what instantly turns you off?

Poor hygiene, annoying talk, being selfish and uncaring about your partner

6. Bad sex–is there really such a thing?

See answers to question one. Woody Allen was wrong. 

Bonus: Biting during sex–
a. do you like it?

Yes

b. do you do it?

I’m a receiver